Dancing their way to a new beginning

By Jacqueilnne Hogge A QUARTER of a century of friendship and support for those left widowed is being celebrated this month in Galway city where the Widowed Persons' Benevolent Society is marking its 25th anniversary. Established by a small group of people who found they drew strength from being in the company of those who had experienced similar loss, the society is the only one in the country that includes both men and women. Chairperson Mary Colleran is proud that a support service that was originally set up to offer comfort and companionship to people in their darkest hour has grown to offer a vital social outlet for those who find themselves struggling to find their new identity in the aftermath of losing their partner or spouse. 'I got involved four or five years ago when I started to attend the association's weekly dances and found it a fantastic way of meeting new people,' said Mary, who lost her husband Cyril in 1993. 'Making the first step is extremely difficult for people who lose a partner, in my own case it took me eight years before I stepped outside the front door. 'Dancing was something I always loved and even though it was very hard at the start because as it was something we enjoyed as a couple, it was a good way to meet other people in the same situation, who often had a worse story than my own.' While Mary is a recent member of the association, there are many that have been attending the dances for the past 25 years, and many friendships and relationships have been forged as a result. 'We have approximately 122 members at the moment and a number of former members attended our anniversary Mass in June, after which we planted a tree and unveiled a plaque in the grounds of the Galway Bay hotel, which has been the host venue for our weekly dances for many years now. 'Years ago we had people from as far away as Leitrim, Claremorris and Roscommon attending our weekly dances, as we are the only association that caters for both men and women in the country. 'Our current membership includes people from all over the county including Tuam, Dunmore, Moylough, Milltown, Glenamaddy, Kilkerrin, Corofin, Ballindine and Kilmaine, as well as Galway city and Athenry. 'It's great to see others out there enjoying themselves, without the fear of being judged, as there is a huge pressure in many ways that you're not allowed to enjoy life now that you are on your own.' A special celebratory dance will be held tonight (Thursday, October 13) in the Galway Bay Hotel with none other than the legendary TR Dallas providing the entertainment for what is the official 25th anniversary of the association. And those involved in the association don't restrict their enjoyment to Thursday nights on the dance floor. A number of excursions and holidays are organised throughout the year with sunshine holidays and day trips closer to home providing a safe and enjoyable way of spending time among friends in a setting other than home. 'Next week we've a group heading over to Tenerife for a week while those who want to stay a bit longer have the option of an 11-day break,' said Mary. 'Last month our members headed to Killarney for two nights and during the summer we went on day trips to the Japanese Gardens in Powerscourt as well as a trip to the Aran Islands, so there's something there to cater to most peoples' tastes. It's a great way of breaking the routine of everyday life and while the weekly dances are still very popular and something our members look forward to, it's great to be able to offer something different every now and again too that people can enjoy in the company of friends and people who have shared experiences.' In the early days, the association started out as a small support network for its members but in recent years it has expanded and is reaching more and more people in the community who long for social interaction but, for those living rurally, have few, if any options in that regard. 'There is definitely a need for an outlet for people who find themselves lonely and with few options to meet people. It is good to have an outlet for people, somewhere they can go as a starting point, because that first step will always be the hardest one to take,' said Mary. 'After your first night out, you go home with something different to think about. 'We especially welcome men as research shows that a high percentage of widowers suffer depression and it's crucial to give them a social outlet in order for them to recover and to reengage with society. 'In saying that, ours is an open door policy and we welcome anyone who enjoys socialising and music, whether they are widowed, divorced, separated or single people. Our membership has increased by 50 per cent since the start of this year so we know there are people out there who want to meet others in the same situation and we want to reach and help as many of those individuals as possible. 'Our dances cater for the older generation but we are looking at ways of attracting younger members as unfortunately death is not age specific and there are young people out there struggling to cope with their loss, having lost a wife or husband. Also, the growing number of marriages that don't work out means there are more and more separated people, whose loneliness is every bit as real as a widow/widower, so we want to encourage these people to come along and see if our association is something that would help them. 'We're looking at setting up salsa dancing and set dancing classes over the winter months so there's definitely more to the association than country and western music, which just happens to be the music of our generation. We know that if we want to see another 25 years, we will have to diversify to reach as many people as possible.'